Dramatics
by MinttBerrryCrunchhh
Summary: The Joker is in need of some reassurance after his latest attacks on Gotham. Following The Dark Knight. Harley/Joker pairing.


The sun was shining through the window when he awoke.

He hated it.

The Joker threw the comforter over his face in an attempt to block the huge ball of fire's bright rays. Of all the morning's in Gotham. It couldn't be raining, or gloomy, or snowing, no it had to be bright and shiny.

The world hated him.

On a day when he wanted –no- _needed_ the weather to be dreary and depressing out, it wasn't. _Figures…_

So he groaned and closed his eyes again. His feeling of self-worthlessness was beginning to rise in him again and his depressive state was even lower than the day before. He sighed for the billionth time. He was beginning to sink down into his black abyss of a soul when he heard the quiet steps of _her._

He had called her. He had _had_ to. He needed some type of reassurance that he wasn't _completely_ worthless. But then he had realized that he actually needed to call someone to come over and tell him he was the greatest. Following that conclusion of himself being a complete and total buffoon, he wallowed some more in coming to the realization that he was not only a failure but also a lovesick puppy. He decided to hate himself more and not eat for a week.

Besides, _she_ couldn't come anyway. She was too busy babysitting her other friend-the _plant._ His lip curled just at the thought of the insufferable _weed. _And then _she_ had other business outside of Gotham and still couldn't come rescue him from his own misery. For a whole entire _week_ he had been rolling in self pity. And he still didn't want to get up, especially now that _she_ finally had time for him.

He decided that ignoring _her_ would be the best. _She_ didn't deserve to hear his glorious voice. He _hmfped _to himself before ramming his eyes shut.

He could feel the warmth of the bright day on his face as _she_ lifted the comforter. "Uhngg..." He grumbled, "What are you doing…!" He reached for the blanket blindly and she sniggered at his futile attempt. Not getting what he wanted, he flopped his arms down at his sides and grudgingly opened his eyelids.

"Just making sure you were still among the living," Harley quipped. Her grin was making him sick. He heard the bed creak as it accommodated her weight as she sat down.

"Why are you smiling?" He said in an unbelieving tone. He couldn't fathom how she could be _so _goddamned happy when he was wallowing. Did she find his current state amusing? _Yes._

"Because you look hysterical," Harley said shaking her head at him. She sniggered once again and tapped his side. "C'mon, you need to get up. Stanley said that you've been in bed for a week. That you've been refusing food, and drinking a glass of whatever liquor he brings to you."

He didn't answer her, just merely nodded his head and stared blankly at the ceiling. He sighed dramatically.

She grinned and lifted up the sheet, "Have you been peeing the bed as well? Stanley also tells me that he hasn't heard any running water…or is that a diaper you're wearing?" She chuckled as he groaned at her to put the sheet back down and muttered words she could barely make out as "no I'm not wearing a diaper" and "mind your own fucking business".

"I'm disappointed though...I hoped that you wallowed in self-loathing _naked_," Harley grinned. "But boxers are close enough."

He looked at her incredulously, raised his brows, and said, "I haven't showered in a week, and I smell like a donkey's ass, but you're _still_ piercing me with your greatest of sexual innuendos?"

She smirked at him and replied, "Have I ever cared about your state of cleanliness or your smell?" Her brows were raised as well, while she smiled at him as he rolled his eyes. "Answer me…"

He grumbled, "No."

She nodded her head. "That's right…_no. _In fact, when we first met you were covered in sewage. Do you remember?"

That brought a grin to his face, however fleeting it was.

"Now that's what I want to see," Harley chirruped. She placed a hand to his thigh and began to knead it with her palm. He released a sigh of contentment at the feeling.

"Is this about your latest attack on Gotham? The whole 'District Attorney' themed plan?"

He groaned at her and put his palms over his eyes.

"Aha, so it is your good ol' 'Harvey Dent Plan', huh?"

The Joker rolled to his stomach and said in a dead-panned tone, "Leave me alone to die."

Harley answered him with a burst of laughter.

"It's not funny!"

"I'm sorry Jack, but you're so dramatic it's too hard _not_ to laugh."

"Yeah well…look who's _not_ laughing…"

She eyed him and grinned snidely, "How ironic. The clown…not _laughing._" She burst into giggles at her own joke and watched him roll his eyes and slam his face into the pillow.

His muffled, "Ha, Ha" made her giggles escalade, but she quickly quieted them as his groan of loathing was heard once more.

"Oh stop that…I'm only joking," Harley cooed. She began to massage the taut muscles in his back. She palmed him, attempting to release just _some_ of his bad energy. He laid there, still limp, but she felt him relax into her touch. She grinned.

He muttered, "Thank you Harley…"

She dragged her hands up his back to his shoulders and engulfed him, lying across his back and whispering into his ear, "Your welcome."

"Now get up…you can't lay here forever you know…all of the _greats_ get up sometime."

"Yes I can…and 'the greats' know when to give up…"

Harley sighed. "Stop that! You aren't giving up anything…" She pressed her lips to his neck. "This isn't about the whole Arkham thing…is it?"

He quickly expressed a "No" to her assumption. "Ah, I see. So then it would have to be Batman stealing your thunder, correct?"

He didn't respond. Harley frowned and took that as a yes.

"Oh Jack, Batsy didn't steal _anything_. The entire _city_ is scared of you, one man covered in grease paint wielding knives and explosives! _Not_ a man who wears his underwear over tights."

The Joker barely cracked a smile.

Harley smacked the back of his head.

"What the hell..!" he grumbled, rubbing his head.

She ran her fingers through his matted green hair. _Eugh. He really hadn't washed himself since his breakout from Arkham a week ago… _Harley shrugged. He'd been in worse states.

"It was supposed to be _sense_, but I don't think it's working," Harley drawled sarcastically.

He shifted himself so he was on his back again. Harley felt him place his hands on her hips, kneading circles into them. He stared up at her and spoke exasperatedly, "Harley…I can't think of anything else to do! No one knows about what happened to Harvey, my plan is ruined, I can't think of anything new to do because I'm depressed over the _stupid_ nocturnal mammal. The goddamned _Bat_ took the fall for everything! Now, yes I'm giddy as a schoolboy that Gotham now hates the Bat as well, but I didn't want that necessarily…I wanted it to be _known_ that Harvey was a schemer and that he killed three cops and that he was corrupted over the fact that his stupid _girlfriend_ got blown to pieces, and that his life was spiraling out of control and that _no one_ can save Gotham City because it's all _mine _and-"

"Woah, Woah! Deep breaths…calm down there Bozo, we wouldn't want your blood pressure spiking…"

The Joker set her with a steely glare. "Please Harley, take me seriously for once."

Harley grinned. "Jack, of course I'm taking you seriously! And yes maybe Gotham City doesn't know at the moment, but a time will come when _someone_ finds out. And once one person finds the truth, soon the whole city will know." She placed a hand on his cheek.

"Just move on from it now…your plan was brilliant and you almost killed what…seven-hundred and fifty people? I'd say that made for a pretty good run…"

"_Almost _killed…" He said with a frown.

She threw her head back and groaned. "Jack! Stop it!" She slapped him twice; once for his depressive state and once for not listening to her. "You need to get up, bathe, eat, and relax. With all of that combined-you will think. And you haven't _thought_ anything all week! Now stop being a complete _boob_ and pull yourself together." Her index finger was pointed at his face and her authorative tone made him feel better.

His smile drew his scars wide and he jumped at Harley, squeezing her body tightly. "Thank You Harls! You always make me feel better…" He began placing erratic, wet kisses all over her face as she tried to pry him off her.

"Okay…yes sweetheart thank you..oh mmhmm.. okay..yupp that's enough…Jack…stop…get off me! Jack!..._Jack!" _She finally pushed him away from her, her arms stretched out to him with her palms on his pectorals. "That is enough…" Her breath came in harsh pants.

He grinned at her. "You've never objected before."

"Pah…I don't think you've ever smelled this much before!" Her eyebrows furrowed and her nose wrinkled at his stench.

He lifted each arm up to sniff under it. His own nose wrinkled. "Ughh…I don't know if I have either." He looked about ready to contemplate it, so Harley decided to take action.

"Well then you best get into the shower before I throw you in there myself." Harley threatened, scooting away from him.

He fixed her with a wolfish grin and a leer in his eye. "You know Harls…you look a little disheveled yourself," The Joker waggled his eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Well…I do fancy myself a bath…" She sighed, giving in. "If I must join you then…" Her dramatic expression turned to one of mischief. She waggled her own brows. "C'mon then! I don't have all day like _you_ do-"

The rest of her sentence was cut off as he hurled her over his shoulder and practically sprinted to the bathroom.

:

:

:

:

:

.

.

.

.

.

_FIN._


End file.
